Happy New Year to whoever reads this blog

Mandala is a poweful spiritual symbol. Let its power and wisdom be with you this year!

Fantasy

I could not imagine that I ever will be using bright colors when painting. But here I am - bright. So let it be

Love is...

Today I saw my first love in a dream. It felt good. I started to take math and phisics evening classes in a local college because of him. Our relationships did not last, but mathematics stayed with me and bacame my profession. My second Love's gift was the music of Boris Grebenshikov. We broke, but Grebenshikov stayed with me since then. My third love gave me nothing but trouble, so sad. My fourth love broke my heart but his gift was a friendship with people I enjoy now. And I married my fifth love.

Three years passed...

... since my oldest son died.

I changed a lot.
It doesn't say anything.
I'm hoping to bring the meaning to your death.
Will I succeed?

I did it!

Today is a big day. My husband agreed to pose nude for my drawing. Well...I think the result is not so bad for the beginning. Half of the day I spend trying to get his permission to post the drawing on my blog. He refuses. Keep trying, babe, and you'll get it.

Medications

I hate my meds, if you know what I mean. Being not a healthy person is not fun, especially when we are talking about mental health. My meds give me all possible side effects they can. They make my brain stop. The most hateable part is a depression. But. I can't explain it, but depression gives me a feeling of consciousness I never experienced before. It was a good joke of God to give me that kind of spiritual journey. By the way, I hate God's sense of humor too.

Drawing with markers gives me a surprisingly good feeling. I discovered that I like to draw quickly with vibrant colors, not thinking about perfect shape.... My husband calls my creations "Flowers from Hell". Let it be for now.

Father

He had an artistic mind, he collected books and posters about visual art and artists. When I was a child once or twice he told me that I have a good sence of shape and color. Why didn't I start painting then? It is so hard to obtain those skills being adult. But perhaps this is my most important lesson of life: reinvent myself in an age when people usually not doing that. Thanks, dad. You always will be in my heart.

Dream

My husband had a dream: he saw me being a metal sculptor in a garage I'm renting in an industial area, working with a blowtorch. Funny. But even a fannier thing is that I can picutre myself doing that kind of artistic stuff. Of course, I'm in the early stages of development of my visual (let's put it that way) artistic abilities, but who knows. I'd like to have a kind of an old industrial place to use as a studio. I'd like to have a place where I can be alone and do stuff like painting, airbrush, clay etc. Something really messy. May be, one day....